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Wedding Planning - 99 problems but love isn't 1

1/21/2019

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​Above:
My beautiful friend Windy Chiu (sensational makeup Artist) embellishing my completely dried out skin and frazzled hair with her magic because on my engagement day (planned it myself) I was completely dried out including my left contact lens, which I ended up tackling like a boss. If I was not wearing lenses, I would have been blind.  In the photo above, I'm definitely thinking about my parents arriving on time (guests have already entered in the same space as I'm getting my make up done). Sisters are in the outskirts somewhere - I hope they're greeting guests. My cousin MIA because I gave her all my tasks the night before - thank GOD! My friends, no one is around to keep me calm. Girlfriends are calling me stressed DF and my fiance looks happy seeing me getting ready but NOTHING IS OKAY because I'm thinking of tasks while told to relax as Windy is doing my makeup. Okay and I'm not done, just getting started here. Oh and my fiance is wonderful because he has dealt with my crazy over the years. 

Advice. Advise. Advertise & Adulthood.

Well into my wedding planning, I'm already nearing the end with absolutely no finite details, no signed contracts and an overwhelming mind with a very weighed down and bold mouth. I'm loud, irritated and already overdosed in debt and reconsidering my dream wedding gown because well, I just was not prepared for cultural input and mind games.

Laws of love just turned into the regulations of sanity and the ownership of one's needs during the time of marriage. Your wedding is something that you have planned for countless days and nights. And your marriage is just about to begin.

Your dreams are overlapped with the theories of great philosophers on why you need someone to live a great life and how you cannot surface the world's greatest wonders without true love and destiny. But if you have submerged into the great depth of understanding, patience and belonging then why are you resurfacing what you buried to be burdening your aspirations of love and reflections of who you both really are? Here is the first chapter of planning what has become a mechanic shop of hopeless car rental parts to which should be a journey of the soul. Being the eldest, you're probably drowning in debt or else you have accomplished your immigrant parents' dreams by outlandishly holding yourself together throughout stress management and financial clarity. Because hey, you did what they said and it worked and now you're shitting diamonds because big fat weddings are a significant part of your life and all the aunties need to know who you are, what you wore and how they can make their daughter look better or just as good as you. Why does this matter again - inviting everyone? Oh yeah, because you have years of history together but absolutely NO present. Rewind that in your head, the last part. No present relationship with the families that your parents immigrated to Canada with.

If I could host a large wedding with my friends families and all my cousins and extended family members in the country my parents call home, than yes, I would do so but I cannot so I will move forward with my life and to many more splendid shared moments.


Am I too loud for my usual crowd? Has this marriage changed me, yes. Have my views to life changed, yes. Do I still love the man I fell in love with, yes. Am I in love with weddings, no. Do I want to get married, yes but right now I just want to flee the world and talk to God. So here I am God, here I am.

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Above: My eyelashes look great, thank you Windy so long as they don't fall off. Thank you Windy for keeping my eyes on point.

Wedding planning is not ordinary in any way, shape or form. I highly recommend hiring a wedding coordinator/planner if you're in the industry or have absolutely no idea regarding the amount of grey hairs that will suddenly weigh down the sight of your vision - STOP and rethink your planning. Setup a meeting with your families and tell them that what they are getting into is not what you want nor is it worth the arguments and the deterioration of your health to have what truly, is not what a marriage entails. 

Your family and friends that want to help you, will genuinely take time out of their hectic routines and initiate a conversation with minimal research (venue options, dress trials, henna appointments, makeup trials, catering options, video and photo recommendations). These friends are your bridesmaids and groomsmen. If they are not familiar with vendors then they will not reason when you need them over to console you or call you because releasing steam is healthy. A get together in your favourite cafe will spark up dear memories and all you'll want to do is enjoy your time together in that moment. Your conversation will be hotter than your latte. And the latte-foam you once enjoyed solely for time off will now be consumed times five. Is anyone craving a starbucks or dineen treat? I sure am and they should really encourage ubereats to have starbucks on their menu.

The Laws of Love & Compatibility require you and your partner to be in a healthy relationship. I'm going to add in that if you think your journey begins with cluster headaches and sweating off a fever, then no love, you have seasonal changes and a life therapy session in your near future. Do not be afraid to coach your family, once a week with your wedding updates. 



THE PARENTS


​Involvement is not to be taken gently. 

Advice: Show your family photos, a mood board helps but please avoid pinterest as you will be caught in the storm of opportunities and opinions of trends.  Take them to the appointments that matter the most to you so they understand the capacity that the venue can hold, the catering costs (per head) so they can make a calculation and then add in all the details (vendor list) with their costs before anything else. Do not start making your guest list until you have booked your venue, this will save you from the cluster headaches or seasonal changes (I literally have thought of delaying my wedding because my emotions were stirred by the agony of having to discreetly take names off our list).

Your partner is your most important player next to you so USE THEM just do not abuse them. They love you and you love them, that's why you're shifting towards the next chapter..I would want to say dance but the dance looks more like a tragic series of unfortunate events by Daniel Handler. Give yourself a break girl! No one is asking you to have the perfect wedding and no instagram algorithm is going to make back the money you spent on the wedding so stop aggravating your emotions with cheap 'FUND MY WEDDING' tactics. No one is going to fund the event except you. It's a whole other ball game when your parents have saved and planned your day (savings are great). I highly advise on saving for your big day. Event blunders to take shape when details are left unscheduled; this may lead to you developing a narcissistic personality disorder. DO NOT let a mishap change the way you feel about getting married, if this is the case - GIRL, you need therapy. But do not worry, you have your partner and your beautiful life ahead of you and wedding planning is just surfacing your commitment and journey of love and growth ahead. My suggestion, plan ahead and give your family members tasks.

Never leave your venue to 2 months ahead. If you cannot afford the luxuries of the 'big fat indian wedding' then do NOT do it. No one is asking you to indulge in the event for someone else's betterment or visual happiness. Love, this is your wedding and your commitment is no one else's diary entry. It is your guide to one of life's greatest adventures - LOVE.


It is an intimate and priceless journey that you two share. Whatever you want, do it. Do not allow others to make your wedding day itineraries; ones of perfection and poise. What is the perfect marriage - who is ideal? What is the ideal wedding dress? Who is authentic enough to do your makeup? Does your song make you feel euphoric as you raise your head, beneath your veil..? Who has these questions? - I DO! 

So girl, let me tell you. If you think I have it easy, I do not. I have 1000 questions on my mind and this is not healthy. I've just recently learned to release these thoughts and work within my budget as that is the healthy advantage to a remarkable relationship. 

Let me honour my thoughts here and inform each of you clearly. Happiness ignites a flame within you. Be who you two are and enjoy the flowers as they fall from the sky onto the two of you as you enter the venue to celebrate your story. 
Inshallah


Until next time on the Bridal Culture Blog.
I'll hopefully have many more details to share and I cannot wait to share my vendors with you.

Photographer: Liat Aharoni
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The 'Laws of Love & Companionship'

9/10/2018

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Written with love..

I have to be honest with you, where I am now, who I am with is all because I believed in love; I believed in myself. It was not easy knocking on the doors of commitment, nor is this journey but I fell in love with my best friend. I love him. We love each other and our relationship is growing every day. This blog post is filled with love. If you want to read it while wearing the lens of 'intentional love' then you will be bamboozled by the time that so easily passes you by. A scenario where love is often seen as a burden than a beautiful adornment of accomplishments.

If you wish to read it while sharing an optical lens of perspective and compromise, you'll find yourself and your partner growing exponentially, as you two find happiness in yourselves and one another. If you need a comparison; a possible comparison to the thoughts that provoke my mind, than put all your raw fruits into a basket and expect them to ripen with an unforgettable sweetness. I'm telling you now, love is not easy and no one will tell you when you'll fall in love or when you'll make the right entrance to meet the right person. It will simply happen. 

And so it did..

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Our expressions shared with my sisters after we had completed the religious ceremony. Yes, Ayaz also wears a veil. The veil signifies a holy union in a sacred space.

It took us seconds to agree to dating overseas as young adults with no financial backing except our part time jobs and a pocket full of hope. 

How was this possible? What would my parents think of me? I had found someone, was he really there for me? Was this love? Long distance relationships, heard of them but do they work? If so, I'm not traveling anywhere so how do we meet?

It began in the start of Fall 2006, Ayaz and I reconnected during the month of Ramadan. We were both on separate ends of the world, yet, we celebrated together. I try to remember the day where I sprawled onto my bedroom floor while reading his emails on our bond and how he felt about me. I told myself this was it, after all I am a die hard hopeless romantic. I had to use Abu's HP laptop as what I read next would change my life evermore. As we grew fonder of one another, we continued pursuing our dreams, and days turned into weeks and weeks into months. He was in a bee-hive industry (fashion, media, new company launches) the network was competitive and he loved working. He was the right fit and found security quickly. My adversities were a combination of dreadful commutes, proposal requests, and what was the start of my chronic anxiety, which I thought was major stress from school, and not having the right finances to complete my assignments. I would always make Ayaz a priority as he was my best friend and someone who I could confide in when it came to inspiration, family, and a lover's quest for union (the calling cards didn't matter). I had an array of friends (gosh I miss University) who supported my class assignments. Curatorial periods were my favourites as everyone was bewildered by my projects expressing 'distance, reflection, allegiance, enigma' and I wished I had experienced more time expressing how I had felt visually. "Saira, you can change the way someone feels .." they all said it, they still do.

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This is a traditional ceremony during the engagement in Islam called the Imam Zamin. We wear the names of Ali and Fatima on our upper right arms to acknowledge their blessings on this beautiful day. 


LAW Number One:

  • Don't be afraid to take a chance. If you're dating online for the first time, chances are that you two have mutual friends. The world is quite saturated with humans from all walks of life, but chances are you two have shared some vital information online where your social networks have scouted you to meet. So why not? 

​I would be traveling to and from OCAD University while making long distant calls using my lunch funds at times because speaking to him would fill my appetite. Of course my mother helped packed my lunch and devoted her time to her three daughters as she worked and managed a loving space in our homes.  My mother is a special make to the lineage of women here on earth, who I will speak to about later in these blog periods. 786.

LAW Number Two:

  • You need a substantial support group to keep you going as you two are not enough for one another. We were made as pairs, sure, why not. But I believe that we were made to live loving ourselves with the abundance of great company and a companion to share our worldly perspectives with. They two are given fairness to share what they wish to and love themselves unconditionally. Why does your mind float to a world of fixed notions? Create your own world of love's regulations. I am so humbled by the support that I had of my friends and his friends who we trusted to know better when we didn't. They provided us with strength and immunity. Thank you to all those who did and are still here with us. Family, we forever love you.
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He had just proposed but my uncle asked him to propose again in front of everyone. 

More on the Laws of Love & Companionship next week..
Please leave your questions and comments (filled with love) below. 
Thank you again for loving the BRIDAL CULTURE BLOG.

If you would like to have us write your stories, you can always email Saira at breathofhenna@gmail.com.


Thanking Liat Aharoni and Windy Chiu.

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we said yes.

9/2/2018

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Dedicated to my Mother 


​.."who has taught me that a marriage is what you feed it. Braise it with boundless love and affection and it will be spoiled. For now we know how to love ourselves & we too know how to dance with time."

Saira Hussain

Photography: Liat Aharoni

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​To the friendship that blossomed through that one broken door. Sealed with electronic letters filled with poetic verses by two young who shared a handful of common factors. Culture, community and a surname. Two solid hearts waiting for the other; day to day calling cards, expenses which one could not afford - it all lead to this, our story. Unwritten till date because it was better perceived in harmony by its composers, Ayaz & Saira Hussain.

You have been my strength through life's misconceptions during the undertones of my father's words as I grew up in a world where daughters were sons and spoon feeding was by the household. "Not any more", as I my mother's heart and my youth whisper into my ears. My mind finds a way to reassure itself that what I'm writing here is righteous and that a vile taste can only be digested if a reader is discouraged or targeted in written form. This is MY space; a collective of memories and certain accusations of love. This is OUR story and I have never been more ready to narrate my views on companionship than today.

​
As of now, I am someone's partner; an intimate part of my soul has found her comrade. My views are my very own and no one should be offended by the views of a woman in transition; journeying on to her next chapter. I grew up believing in 'love at first sight' and so I continued on the path of searching for that connection. My honeymoon phase lasted more than a decade and that too was because we were blessed with honesty and a friend circle who encouraged us along the way. The idea of marriage is accessible and is for weakened souls. What you need to extract from marriage is that it is a contract on the 'Laws of Love and Companionship'. 

If you wish to know who I am now, I still do not have the answer for you. As myself and my partner are very different souls but we chose to be with each other to respect our vows. Our Laws of Companionship overpower our Laws of Love and so we face high tides, but this story is about our feelings on marital expectations.


Laws of Love & Companionship
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​Ayaz's outfit: Chandan Fashion and Uniqlo

Saira's outfit: Karigur and Steve Madden
Next Chapter feature: September 9th 2018
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The Affair with friendship

12/15/2017

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​THE FINAL EMBRACE

BRIDE: Mithu
​GROOM: Sandeep
Photography: Arden Way
Bridal Henna: Breath of Henna
Jewelry: Banglez
Decor: Soiree

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Having a life filled with the opportunity to create while being surrounded with the encouragement of marriage is blessing. While envisioning these bridal diaries, I escape to another world. A world of committed chapters and elevated vows which haze my present and share a flight into the future. I think of the laughter and days spent wandering through the rivers of melodic chaos; his voice and mine. 
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​






​'these moments are of friendship's truest colour; the final embrace..'


As I float across this river, my body is no longer attached to the earth nor is it rising to the heavens. My soul is rejuvenated by his very words of sentiment and encouraging delight. 
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'As you are in the midst of the most sublime delay; the time it takes for him to appear upon the horizon of your love's very purpose.'
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I take a step into the infinite bath of blossoms,
Gravity has no hierarchy.
Their composure enchant my thoughts.
The warmth of the stars bask my skin
To caste an illuminating array of gratitude.

​

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When a flower blossoms here, the smallest chambers of the heart mould together. A melodious union of written textures embed its texture with ambient rays of light. This is the warmest embrace. A feeling of obtained and most rewarded fruition. Love blossoms from the heart. Devote yourself to find love in your best of friend.
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Congratulations to Mith & Sandeep 
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Eminent love

10/9/2017

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EMINENT LOVE
The value of friendship
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Surrounded by the scents of jasmine as she graced the sacred steps towards her love, her lace intricacies casted shadows alongside her own. A calling of friendship interrupted her heart beat for a moment to establish a new chapter of her liking; true love. Her heartfelt desire to be with him was her dream come true. Alisha was ready to start her life but before I tell her story, allow me to elaborate upon her bridal henna diary. Grandmother, her mother and best friend were conversing in the early morning of Alisha Lalji's mehndi moments. Her aftercare was being prepared as she went for an adventure starting with a hairdryer. I arrived to Whitby, Ontario on June 27th while being greeted by her very intrusive cat. What a bumble and bee. This kitty was nonchalant about her wedding as well as very much interrogative while she lay there wherever we would be. When it came to adorning her feet the desire to have some space was persuasively interrupted by an adorable meow-sigh of 1, 2, 3..there was much more.

Alisha - definition (Sanskrit) protected by God.

How beautiful. So, she was a blessing bestowed on her family. How perfectly woven she was within her family and friends. She had approached me online while I was in London, England last year and we scheduled in an online consultation at 1 am - Toronto time. As an entrepreneur one is always excited to establish good relations with their clients. In addition to that, I was going through a hard time sleeping when I knew my family in Toronto was celebrating the sun's rays and of course my significant other who I couldn't bare to be a part from. The vows of friendship started to call on old memories. 

It took me some time to render her design as she is also an Artist; a creative individual, a visionary, a possible critic and most importantly a valued artisan. I knew that I had to envision a pattern that would evoke not only her own stories but an exceptional rendering of fine lines and filled filigree that would adorn her hands with lush greens and florals. The vines which encircled her ambient friendship and eternal love churned a wine of reds and deep mahogany on the insides of her palms and crawled curiously throughout her arms and feet. When I received these beautiful photographs from photographer Gillian Williamson I was moved by the modesty in the ornamental details seen in her diary once again. 

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As I hold my breath and let it relax throughout my ribcage, I feel the need to talk to love. As love is my truest friend and comes in all colours. To love, this is what I wrote today:

"Love with all its thoughts on you.
Devouring its subtle glances as you moved.
​I was there, inquisitive for every detail that made you, you. Tranquilized by labour and the day's work, I let go of my every sorrow and turned to you with kindness and forgiveness. Never to forgive myself for the pain that I brought to you. You were always delighted and I shared my pain with you. You never uttered a word of sympathy and congratulated my motive. Each notion paid tribute to my undying note of orchestrating chaos. You still loved me love. You quote my beauty with verses of great voyage and deliver a beautiful smile. I am loud and independent, yet, I cannot fathom any commitment without your consent. I wish to become you as you desire me. 
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Her Bridal Henna Diary was a tribute to an old love story, the oldest in the books. An entry that was written in the stars of when friendship married; true love.

When we find ourselves, we find our other. A reflection of ourselves but in another. It is a beautiful union of universal matter and an orchestra of emotions. Alisha found her true love and followed the trace of opportunity that was written for her. Being in a world, predominantly accessed by digital media we tend to miss out on opportunities surrounding us. Read my next blog post REAL . GOOD on self discovery.
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